I just got my freedom as a freshman in my dream city, leaving my parents’ house behind. I wanted to enjoy all that the world could offer. But somehow He captured me before I had gone too far, in that morning.
Jogja, August 31th, 1989, 8 a.m. I was alone in my room. My class was in the afternoon, my roommate had left already. My body was aching and the battle in my soul was raging. For many days I had been tossed back and forth. I was the prize to be won by two forces: the longing for God and the craving for the world. I was exhausted spiritually and physically.
Two weeks prior to that day I was led to pray a repentance prayer. They were so excited and told me that I had been born again, but I did not feel anything. They exclaimed I was a new creation, but I saw myself still the same person. In every meeting afterwards, I envied those handful students who were so intimate with God in their worship. I felt like an outsider in the house of my Father. They taught me to pray and read the Bible every day to build my relationship with God. But how could I build something that I had not yet started? And I got even more frustrated as the flesh relentlessly invited me to satisfy its desire. Deep in my heart I knew I had to be close to God and live a righteous life but the other half of me strongly demanded the pleasure of the youth.
That morning I felt like I could not bear this soul’s conflict anymore. I fell on my knees and broke into tears as I cried out, “God, where are you? If you exist, show Yourself and help me...” I was so desperate until He came. He embraced me gently from behind and whispered, “I love you.” That single moment of truth was more than enough for me. All of a sudden the struggle disappeared. God had won. His love never fails. My heart was overwhelmed by His lovingkindness and I made a vow: from that day on, I would always love Him and never leave Him for the rest of my days. A vow that I have been keeping dearly until today.
Credit: Silvy Wantania, Eriel Siregar, Izaak Wondiwoy, Jimmy Kalauserang and all GPMI Jogjakarta Batch 1989.
Jogja, August 31th, 1989, 8 a.m. I was alone in my room. My class was in the afternoon, my roommate had left already. My body was aching and the battle in my soul was raging. For many days I had been tossed back and forth. I was the prize to be won by two forces: the longing for God and the craving for the world. I was exhausted spiritually and physically.
Two weeks prior to that day I was led to pray a repentance prayer. They were so excited and told me that I had been born again, but I did not feel anything. They exclaimed I was a new creation, but I saw myself still the same person. In every meeting afterwards, I envied those handful students who were so intimate with God in their worship. I felt like an outsider in the house of my Father. They taught me to pray and read the Bible every day to build my relationship with God. But how could I build something that I had not yet started? And I got even more frustrated as the flesh relentlessly invited me to satisfy its desire. Deep in my heart I knew I had to be close to God and live a righteous life but the other half of me strongly demanded the pleasure of the youth.
That morning I felt like I could not bear this soul’s conflict anymore. I fell on my knees and broke into tears as I cried out, “God, where are you? If you exist, show Yourself and help me...” I was so desperate until He came. He embraced me gently from behind and whispered, “I love you.” That single moment of truth was more than enough for me. All of a sudden the struggle disappeared. God had won. His love never fails. My heart was overwhelmed by His lovingkindness and I made a vow: from that day on, I would always love Him and never leave Him for the rest of my days. A vow that I have been keeping dearly until today.
Credit: Silvy Wantania, Eriel Siregar, Izaak Wondiwoy, Jimmy Kalauserang and all GPMI Jogjakarta Batch 1989.
Kisah yang luar biasa. Sangat menginspirasi.
ReplyDeleteYa, kita tidak akan pernah lupa saat-saat di mana Tuhan menjamah kita -- bahkan aku tidak lupa warna dan bentuk jaket yang aku kenakan.
Momen itulah, yang akan membuat kita, kembali dan kembali pulang; ketika dunia mengajak kita menjauh dan menjauh... dari hadirat-Nya.
Tabik,
Sidik Nugroho
Terima kasih, Sidik.
ReplyDeleteBahkan aku rasanya masih bisa mencium bau kamarku waktu itu: kamar cowok yang baru pertama kali kos dan baru keluar dari rumah ortu, bayangin deh...:)
Betul, karena itu jangan sampai kita meninggalkan kasih kita yang semula. Waktu aku nulis ini aku merasakan kasihku kepada-Nya disegarkan kembali.
Wow that must have been a very incredible moment for you. This is very inspirational :)
ReplyDeleteYes, very much. Thanks Diane. I believe you have also your own divine encounter.
ReplyDelete